Disparity

My dad is in china, my mom is in Massachusetts, my big sister is in San Francisco, my little sister is in Italy...

Could we please get farther apart?  That would be awesome...  Thanks.

Disparity.  Lack of similarity or equality.  Probably not typically used to describe an aproximal relationship but fuck if I'm going to figure out what the term for distal is.  

Anyway, I digress.  I found out my father was on a flight to China about 2 hours before he hopped his connection in NYC and took off for the north pole to spatially warp seven thousand miles in a 13 hour hiatus from internets.  And I was sad.  I don't want my father to be 13 hours and seven thousand miles away! 

It makes me appreciate the distance from Brooklyn to the Lower East Side.  It makes me wonder if Queens is too far away.  If 34th street is a bonus or a burden.  It makes me wonder how people stay connected when they can't video chat san francisco to ask, honestly, and just yesterday, "should I get a haircut?"  And your ex girlfriend who you love to pieces, who is actually at a wedding in Indiana, says, "Yes.  It's too long.  Get it cut.  Gotta go, goodbye."  

So you walk down the street to your brooklyn hair stylist who has half a head of hair and a full on cross-hatched shaved half-head of non-hair, and she takes you right to the back and washes your head and cuts your hair and sends you on your way within 30 minutes.  You walk back home and video chat your aforementioned ex and she picks up and say, "Looks great.  I'd do you." And then she hangs up.  Because she's busy.  You haven't seen this girl in over a year but video chat makes it just that easy to stay visibly shaken when her blue eyes pierce your full-screen and her Midwestern accent shadows all the time she's spent on the coast-lands.  She's totally just joking about doing you, but you hold on to it like you haven't dated an available woman in over a baker's dozen of 67 hour increments.  

And you set up a gmail account for your mom so she can weigh in the next time your hair gets shaggy.  And you mapquest the distance to china and find out it's only 6,800 miles so you decide to take up triathlons.  Because triathletes are fucking hot.  And that's only 68 iron mans.  Rock on, rockstars, it's all uphill from Sunday.