Riddle O' the DAY

You're standing in a field. Behind you is a group of 17 people with 3200 aluminum cans (stacked) and 458 dogs. There's a man pointing NNW and 104 degrees skyward. 3,183 people are looking at what the man is pointing at. 3,182 of them are gay. A child is turning in circles. 358 people are stoned, 2,722 are drunk, 102 are reflecting on the joys of sobriety. Within 17 minutes and 43 seconds, 3 girls you've previously dated walk within 0.0052 furlongs of you. Your younger sister is wearing a slippery pink jacket. Your high school lax coach now has 2 children and an iPhone. Your yoga instructor's male friend inquires after your very first silicone purchase. 2,493 people are talking. You can't hear any of them. You are insanely happy but nostalgic at the same time. You're missing 17 things. Your childhood. A white taurus. 3 other family members...

1,385 txts hit 1,385 phones in 97 minutes. Your phone buzzes in your front right pocket. You only miss 16 things now.

This is (circle three words):

1) A closing-the-bar, irish brogue'd, semi-sober recounting of my life from the perspective of a 1937, late adopter, flapper turned porn star wearing magenta, fuschia, indigo and neon because WHAT THE FUCK do those words MEAN!?

2) Meatloaf.

3) The second coming of Christ(ine), on a rugby pitch, on the island of Lesbos with all the girls I've ever glimpsed between 1:34am and 1:48am of every third saturday's trip to Cubby Hole (West Village gay bar).

4) How I want to spend NYE 2010. Unabridged.

5) An assortment of truths that don't mean anything collectively but, colluding with the fragmented neural bursts in my brain, posit a rendition of my life during REM sleep that I'll forever hold onto as a linear reality which, while acting in concert with what I know to be my actual fantasy world, keeps me from attaining my efficiency goals during my morning routine.

...............................................................................

You are ineligble to play this game if you:

1) Are an aforementioned cospirator

2) Are from Wassila

3) Enjoy pancakes without syrup at maximum capacity (aka, super-saturation)

4) Hate numbers

5) Are generally of a disgruntled disposition first thing in the morning

6) REALLY hate numbers and/or endless blogs

7) Have renounced apoptosis as sacrilege

8) Chuckled at the word apoptosis

9) Did not immediately reflect on your own sacrilegiosity

10) Are amazed that sacrilegiosity is not a word

GAME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!